i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
