guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
