Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
