your thong is hanging out like whoa
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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