I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
