that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize