nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
