You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
