Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
