I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
