..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
