evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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