Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
