I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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