i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
