Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
