this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
