i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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