I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
