Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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