omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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