My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
