lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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