Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
