This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
