I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
