Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
