literally had 100 drinks last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
