the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
