haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
