I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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