i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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