I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize