Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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