I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
