Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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