wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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