Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
