Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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