I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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