the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
