I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
