She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
