if i can run in heels then i can drive
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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