yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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