What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
