Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
