I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
