I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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