Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
