I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They have beer where we have blood.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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