ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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