who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
