If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
