bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
