I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
