I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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