that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
