My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Operation Purity has been aborted
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
