Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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