I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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