Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
