I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
