Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
