Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize