i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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