I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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