When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize